Monday, October 1, 2012

Halloween Resurrection (2002)







       It's been three years since Michael Myers reunited with his baby sister Laurie Strode. That night, Laurie decapitated Michael. BUT, it turns out that she decapitated the wrong man. See, before the paramedics loaded Michael's "body" into the van, Michael attacked one of the paramedics, crushed his vocal cords, and decided to play dress up by switching costumes.  And so Laurie unaware that it was really a paramedic, chopped the guy's head off. Now, Laurie is locked away in some mental asylum. Michael makes his way to the asylum, kills off two security guards and chases down his sister one last time to the roof where he finally kills her after all of these years.   Meanwhile, a group of annoying as fuck college kids are going on some hack job reality show ran by Busta Rhymes and Tyra Banks where they have to spend the night in the old Myers house, which happens to be planted with plastic skeletons to scare the shit out of them. Michael returns to his home only to find these jackasses in his house.  He then proceeds to kill them off one by one. This leaves final girl Sarah and Busta Rhymes left.  Busta goes up against Michael Myers with his karate chops as if he is on Def Jam and results in the Halloween franchise being yet again, dead and buried but this time with the dog Jason's extra piss fire for flavor.







              In 1998, the Halloween franchise was revived with Halloween H20. The film did really well at the box office and was mostly approved by fans for the really awesome final ending that could and should have laid the Halloween franchise to rest with a satisfying conclusion.  Well, when money flows, bullshit shows.  In the summer of 2002, the eighth installment titled Halloween Resurrection was unleashed from horror cinema Hell into theaters everywhere and took possession of our money and our brain cells.   This is definitely not the first time Moustapha Akkad has pussied out of a great ending. Halloween II (1981) ended with Michael Myers and Dr. Loomis burning to death. Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers ended with Michael's evil legacy being passed on to his niece Jamie Lloyd.  And Halloween H20 ended with Laurie Strode chopping off Michael's head with an axe.  This would have been a great place to end. The problem is that it never ends and judging by modern Hollywood, I don't think icons will ever truly end.   I remember being really pissed off back in 2002 when I saw the trailers for Halloween Resurrection.  I mean, Michael was definitely dead. I fucking watched his head detach from his body and roll off god fucking dammit!  He's dead! He's dead! To quote Malcolm McDowell from Rob Zombie's H2....




  "Let me make things nice and sparkling clear! Michael Myers IS fucking dead! Do you braindead gossip mongers need me to spell it out for you? D-E-A-D!!!"





         Yeah, sure, that film was a big disappointment, but that line certainly goes along with how I feel about the ending to Halloween H20 and this Resurrection bullshit.   With all of that said, how did I feel about Halloween Resurrection aside from it being TOTALLY unnecessary? Well, I fucking hated it.  I do admit that the first like fifteen minutes aren't that bad except for a boring opening credits sequence, a bullshit reason for Michael being still alive, and him actually killing off Laurie.  I liked the look of the asylum, the scene where Michael kills the two security guards, and the one mental patient who is obsessed with serial killers and is wearing a clown mask.










         The direction by Rick Rosenthal who also directed the WAY better Halloween II (1981) did a decent job directing. The film looked good and was definitely running at a decent pace.







          Where Halloween Resurrection really falls to pieces is with the story/script by Larry Brand and Sean Hood. The characters were also pretty fucking annoying and lame.  I have to admit that there are a few parts that I liked though.









           I loved the design of the Myers house and the stuff revealing how fucked up Michael was. There's some coloring books with disturbing stuff drawn in them, a high chair with restraints, creepy dolls, and a room under the house where apparently Michael stays when he isn't killing anyone and eats rats.  I also really dug the look of the mask for the most part.









              The whole reality show bit was lame though. I've seen movies where it worked a lot better such as Wrong Turn 2: Dead End. It just didn't belong in a Halloween film. Now, if it had been some college kids doing a documentary inside the Myers house then maybe I'd be more into it.   The worst part for me though was the characters. I hated just about all of them.  Sarah just didn't do anything for me as the final girl. I mean, sure, she was hot, but that didn't mean she was sympathetic.  Freddie was the most annoying of any of them though. Probably because he was played by rapper Busta Rhymes.  I just hated this character from beginning to end. All he did was try to act all gangsta and badass, but he just looked like a fucking idiot. Karate chopping Michael? FUCK THAT!  What really makes me mad is that it looked like Michael was actually afraid of him. I demand a rematch! Busta Rhymes VS. Tyler Mane. Now, Mane would have mutilated this douchebag and hung him up as a Halloween decoration like he did to Annie's boyfriend Paul.  Most of the annoying lines that came from this guy was stuff like...




" Trick or treat MUTHA FUCKA!"
" Lookin' crispy Mikey. Extra fried MUTHA FUCKA!"
" Hey Mikey, Happy Halloween! MUTHA FUCKA!"









         Oh would you shut the fuck up!  I think I would rather listen to  Ronnie White talking shit to Michael's mother or that ambulance driver saying "fuck" about thirty more times. That would be more fun than watching Busta Rhymes trying to act.   The only characters that honestly didn't annoy me really was Rudy and Myles aka Dekkard.  Sarah's friend Jen was annoying. Thomas Ian Nicholas' character was annoying. I don't recall all of these characters' names and quite frankly I don't care either.







          The acting was pretty bad too. Some are decent actors with a terrible character/script to work with and others are just terrible actors period.  I liked the short appearance of Jamie Lee Curtis as Laurie Strode at the beginning. Too bad her character died.  Brad Loree was okay as Michael Myers.  Bianca Kajlich was hot, but pretty uninteresting as Sarah.  Sean Patrick Thomas was actually decent as Rudy. Daisy McCrackin was uninteresting as Donna. Katee Sackhoff was annoying as Jen. Luke Kirby was annoying as Jim. Thomas Ian Nicholas from the American Pie films was annoying as Bill. Ryan Merriman was probably one of the better actors in this film as Myles/Dekkard. Merriman is a decent actor in my opinion and deserves far better work than this movie. I liked him much better in Final Destination 3 and Backwoods.  Tyra Banks was horrible as Nora. All she did was talk gangsta and shake her booty. She should just stick to modeling. And Busta Rhymes, fuck you! That's all I have to say on the acting.








           Another thing I don't like about this film is that all of the other characters that Michael should be after are all dead. Jamie Lloyd is dead. Laurie Strode is dead. Dr. Sam Loomis is dead. So in other words, this film should not exist.  Michael isn't Jason or Leatherface or Freddy. He doesn't just kill anyone. Well, he does, but there is usually a purpose.  Here, there is no purpose other than they are in his home and he apparently doesn't like it.






 




      Overall, Halloween Resurrection is an unwarranted and pretty lame Halloween film. It is the reason we got a remake in the first place.  I will say that this film probably would have been "okay" at best if Busta Rhymes and Tyra Banks weren't in it and that I liked it over Halloween 5 and a smidge more than H2 (2009). It's a shame that this film had to be the last Halloween film that executive producer Moustapha Akkad made. He was killed in 2005  by a terrorist bombing while in Amman, Jordan.  Without him, there probably would have never been a Halloween franchise.




I would like to take this time to remember some fine people who made the Halloween franchise what it is today and it truly is a shame that they are no longer around.



RIP
Debra Hill, Co-writer/Producer of Halloween '78
Joseph Wolf, executive producer of Halloween II & III and did advertizing for Halloween '78
Moustapha Akkad, executive producer of Halloween '78-Halloween Resurrection (2002) and also the investor on Halloween '78



                  GRADE
                    D+



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